|
[16 Jul 2008|10:05pm] |
i feel so changed as of lately. i'm so distant from everyone and everything, and i don't want to be. no matter how hard i try i can't fix it. i feel hollow. i feel like everything i've ever felt was forced. i feel unaffected by everything. I don't get embarrassed when i do something stupid. i don't get nervous when a cute guy smiles at me. i don't get upset when people get angry with me. i feel like i'm floating through life, watching myself make my actions, but i'm not really here. yesterday we went on a trainer trip to six flags, and i remember going on the roller coasters, and just thinking the entire time. i watched the track unwinding in front of me, but i heard nothing, no screaming, no laughing, just my thoughts.i remember thinking how sad it was that shooting upside at 80 miles an hour couldn't even get my excited. i've also realized lately how ungrateful i am. people give me a huge tip at work, and i don't go over and thank them, and i know in my head that by not doing this they'll get the impression that i don't appreciate it, or i expect it...but i still don't thank them. people see that i'm upset and they try to talk to me about it, and i completely blow it off. and if they do attempt to understand the black hole that is me, i don't give them any credit for it. even waking up to see my roommate folded all my laundry, i felt i didn't appreciate it as much as she did when i folded hers. and everytime i look in the mirror, i see the sad girl i was when i was 11. the fat, pale, plain, saggy-eyed girl that sat alone on the couch everyday. i need to snap out of it. but i refuse to be phony. i refuse to start drinking like a trash bag. i refuse to hook up with some guy just because i'm lonely.
i'm watching american history x though, and the kid just got shot, and i'm not crying. that's probably only because i've been writing this. i hate talking about these problems because i know all i'm going to get is, wow your problems are so big, you poor thing, you're too good for everyone. so don't say it to me che!
|
|
|
|
[16 Jul 2008|05:29pm] |
went to philly monday with sammie sooo early in the morning.
and found a house with lo. 1800 a month..withouttt utilities included....idk if i can afford it..but id like to.
at night i went to megan's with dan and stayed there til around midnight last night. love the reider family so much.
&
steph time today.
|
|
|
|
[16 Jul 2008|12:50pm] |
|
last night was probably the first time i was ever that close to a fight (besides my own fight) and nobody knows how badly i wanted to jump in and break his neck after he put his grimey hands around her neck. id never seen her like that or him but i could see him doing something like that cause HES A SCUMBAG AND DOESNT CARE ABOUT HITTING GIRLS. she really had his handprints like imprinted around her neck. i hate guys.
|
|
|
|
[15 Jul 2008|01:41am] |
I don't know why I'm putting this off...
My leg hurts.
|
|
|
|
[13 Jul 2008|03:37am] |
oh no.
i can't get him out of my head.
fuckfuckfuck.
|
|
|
|
[11 Jul 2008|11:16pm] |
|
I'm willing to spend all my money on traveling everywhere.
|
|
|
|
[11 Jul 2008|01:11pm] |
|
what a slippery slope...
|
|
|
|
[11 Jul 2008|01:50am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
emiliana torrini |
] |
i thought i saw you on the train
i hid behind some men
i'd never seen you look so good
i'm glad you're doing well...
i went out for a walk today
to think of things unsaid
of course i found i'd said too much
so i laid all that to rest
and when the day falls,
i guess it was love
and when the day falls
at least it was
today:
......................i don't know what is going on in my head right now.
it was a good day and a good night. i opened claires and then dan brought me lunch so we had lunch together. he stayed and helped ash and i with shipment. for three hours. it was good.
then i got my nails done with sam and then had dinner with dan and then seaside with dan and then it was 130 in the morning. so now im home. and my minds going insane. i dont want to make a mistake again
he wrote my name with a straw wrapper.
|
|
|
|
[10 Jul 2008|04:17pm] |
i hope this is fleeting because you are the last person i can fall in love with.
also, anorexia. great for my morale haha.
|
|
|
|
[09 Jul 2008|11:10pm] |
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay weirdo.
so 1. im homeless when i go back to school
2. why are you calling
3. this summers fun.
4. i love my jobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
5. i need money.
and this is my shoot from two days ago
( Read more... )
i didnt edit them too much..i was in a horrible mood thanks to my awesome best friend from school backing out of the lease 3 weeks before move in dayyyyyy :)
|
|
|
|
[09 Jul 2008|06:53pm] |
|
my favorite thing to do was be retarded with you two and talk about things i thought about.
|
|
|
|
[09 Jul 2008|01:43am] |
EVERY GOOD THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY GOT FUCKING CANCELLED THE FUCK OUT AND I HATE HUMAN BEINGS I HATE EVERYONE IM SO FUCKING SCREWED AND HOMELESS FOR WHEN I NEED TO GO BACK TO PHILLY.
MY FUCKING ROOMATE AND SUPPOSEDLY MY BEST FRIEND JUST BACKED OUT OF OUR APARTMENT LEASE THAT BEGINS IN THREE FUCKING WEEKS.
me lo and tim cant afford it now. i cant fucking believe sarah. i cant fucking believe her.
im still fucking shaking. we lost our apartment now that we have to back out of our lease. and now im homeless. and i need to go to philly now with lo to find a new fucking apartment.t this is fucking AMAZING I LOVE THAT SHE DID THIS SOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN im so fucking happy WOW i could kill someone right now
|
|
|
|
[08 Jul 2008|08:16pm] |
Please realize that it would be on the most superficial grounds and also decietful, but...
i could get into that.
|
|
|
|
[05 Jul 2008|10:23pm] |
|
i never would have thought i'd say i miss you. and everything you were to me. and for once i don't care what everyone says, i think things turn out better when i listen to myself. life is good right now. and i would like to be friends again.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
justinrocksyou's Friends Page
amused
